What is next for me :)

Ok, first, I am not pregnant, let just clear that up right now. :) But, I am so happy right now! I have always been happy, don't get me wrong. But right now, I feel like I know what I am supposed to do in my life. When Matt and I got married, I planned to become a nurse. Shortly after marriage, we were pregnant. After Lucas was born, we both prayed and felt like I should stay home with our son, as in not work, and we didn't have the money for both of us to do school. It was kind of a tough thing to do, since I did have plans of where I wanted my life to go, what my dreams were. But, ultimately, being a mom was (and is) my number one dream and priority. So, we made that decision. It was hard, money was tight. Matt was in school and school is not cheap. A few years later, we felt like it was finally time for me to get back into school. I was thrilled!!! Then, within a few weeks, we found out we were expecting our little surprise baby. Matt was getting ready to start his masters program, which would require him to quit his job. Again, our faith was tested, and we made the decision for me to again put my schooling on hold, and have no income. Wowzer, it was a tough decision!! And throughout the next two and a half years we often thought about changing our plans. Anyway, this whole time, I was thinking and rethinking, over and over again, "what am I supposed to do in my life?" I know being a wife and mother is my main 'life plan'. But school is important to me, and I do want to finish it, really, I still needed to start it. :) I used to want to be a nurse, but then I couldn't stand the idea of taking that much time away from my kids. Over the last 5 years I have thought about everything: photographer, nurse, starting a small business, preschool teacher, daycare, etc. It was emotionally draining. None of these, or other options, felt right for me. After fasting, prayer, and a blessing, and after meeting with a counselor at the U for my 'mandatory adviser meeting' I finally feel like I have found the right path for me! I have chosen a degree that I can complete fully online. Which is ideal for me so I can stay home with the kids, and work on school stuff during preschool, naps, and bed time. So I don't have to miss out on time with my kids.

I have also decided that I am going to be trained to be a doula. This is something I am passionate about. Not because I think epidurals are bad, or because I think medicine, and hospitals are bad. But I am passionate about it because I feel like women are not educated enough in their options. When I gave birth to my first, I just went with what the doctor said. I didn't question anything, I didn't research anything, and I thought everything was going to be great. It was a beautiful birth, and most importantly we had a healthy baby boy! But....there were MANY things I didn't like about it. And it wasn't until right before I got pregnant with Lila that I started to question things. I won't get into it all here, if anyone is interested, I would LOVE to explain my reasons to you. But, with Lila, I had a doula, who was FANTASTIC! I had a perfect birth experience. Everything I wanted happened, and everything I didn't want, we were able to avoid. I felt great, knowing that after getting educated in different options I was able to have the birth that I not only loved, but enjoyed. Who can say that about their birth? I will never have another birth without a doula. And I will never go into something blindly, assuming it is the normal way therefore the right way for me. Anyway, the point is: since birth, any kind of birth, is something that fascinates me and because I am passionate about women knowing their options and women feeling empowered enough to make the right choices for them, I have decided that, along with getting my bachelors degree, I will be training to become a doula.

For a while, I thought I was going to have to choose one or the other, school or doula-ing. But after much prayer, I have decided to do both. I am really nervous. I am going back to school, online, to finally get my bachelors (starting on my degree in January!) and am planning on attending doula training in March, and hopefully assisting.attending births regularly afterwards, all the while keeping busy with my two kids and my husband.

I know I can do it, many do more. While living at the U, I was able to see so many inspiring women who had so much on their plates. I know I can do it too. And really, I am not too scared, right now, I am just SO excited! I love feeling like my schooling has a purpose, and that it is in progress. It has been a long time since I have felt like this, and I am SO excited!!

I just thought I would share with you all, since really I am very excited! :)

End of summer recap

How about we try this blog thing again, huh? Since my last post, things got even crazier. A few weeks after my last post, we moved into Matt's parents house. That was quite the blessing actually. The day we moved, my step-brothers step-brother passed away. Then the day after we moved my brother in law passed away. It was heartbreaking. James was like my big brother. He first came into the family when I was just 5-6 years old. James suffered from Bipolar Disorder, and ended his own life after a long, hard fought battle. It was such a miracle we were where we were when it happened. Matt's parents kind of took over our kids for us, the whole week, since we had viewings and funerals for two people. Then the rest of the summer was also a trial. My family had several hardships this summer, many that required a lot of attention and help. Again, Matt's parents and sister stepped up. They are just amazing! The end of the summer finally started to look up for us. My family's trials were starting to calm down. And we found a house.
Matt and I bought our first home in September, and are loving it! Though we had issues there as well. On our move-in day we found a huge leak in the basement. We couldn't do any laundry, bathe, shower, and use the bathrooms upstairs for a whole week. We didn't like the homeowner thing so much at first. ;) Now things are falling into place, my brother was able to fix the leak for us, and it was very easy too. We are starting to paint, and we are getting our new furniture in two weeks! If anyone wants to come play with us, please do! We would love it!
Anyway, here is a bit about our family:

Lila- is 2, potty training, a she is the most stubborn and narcissistic person I know. Some days I swear she will be the death of me. Other days, she is the biggest sweetheart in the world. She keeps us on our toes. She loves babies, barbies, and batman. And she adores her brother. She will follow him anywhere, but lecturing him like a mother along the way, 'Luke, wash your hands.' ' Turn off the light' 'share'. She is a little mommy.

Lucas- just turned 5!! Can you believe it? I can't! He is enjoying preschool, but is really looking forward to Kindergarten. He is Mr. Smartie Pants. He has taught himself to read, and is trying to teach himself spanish and french (what 5 year old does that?). He is just a kind hearted kid, always wants to follow the rules and doesn't like when kids are mean to other kids. He broke his first bone on his birthday this week, his pinky toe. But, he is tough, and has been doing pretty well with it. But you should see the bruise. Its nasty!

Matt- likes his job. But has the potential to get another job, at a place that would be ideal for Matt. Keep your fingers crossed for him! He is loving not having any school and homework. He is enjoying our new house, though not loving his commute. Matt is great at his job, he has some patients who really praise him, and will tell the other SLP that they won't work for them, and that they want Matt. He enjoys what he does and the people he meets. He enjoys our new ward, and already has a calling, and likes getting to know the people. He has been able to play tennis with his buddy a few times since we moved, which always makes him happy.

Me- I am loving life right now. We are in our own house, my husband is no longer is school (which means no more school loans- yippee!), my kids are at such fun ages, and I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with them!! I am currently doing online classes at the U, and still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I think I am leaning towards becoming a doula. I have toyed with the idea since before I was pregnant with Lila. But, the last two years have been so crazy I haven't given enough thought to it. Now, I really am trying to think and pray about it, and about whats best for my family. I just wish I could attend someones birth without being a doula first, to see for sure if that's what I want to do. Really though, I don't have a lot to complain about, life is good right now!

Lessons Learned

You know how sometimes you don't want to blog because you think, "there is absolutely nothing going on"? Well, for me, it has been just the opposite. I feel like our world right now is spinning and I can't get a hold of anything. I am not saying that things are going badly, in fact, I am quite blessed, and I love my life, but I don't have any control right now. And I am finding as I get older, that I am very much of a control freak. So, I am very much out of my element here.

Matt graduated in May (WAHOO!!) with his Masters in Speech and Language Pathology. We were so looking forward to it. We have done the whole 'school scene' for way too long, and have been ready to be done for a LONG time. Anyway, with Matt's profession, we knew it was going to be much harder to get a job here in Utah by our families, but we were hopeful. We applied to other states of course, but really pushed for Utah. Matt was so blessed and got a job offer before he graduated. Unfortunately this offer was not what Matt wanted, and didn't feel right, so he declined it, and pushed for another one. After being turned down the one, the first place called Matt and within 20 minutes of being turned down for the other job, Matt had received his second offer from this company. On the same day? Minutes after being so disappointed? Coincidence, I think not. So, we took it. Everything was looking great. We were looking for a place to live, and preparing to enter the 'real' work world. Matt had to get his license all lined up and taken care of, what a disaster. Since Matt got a job so fast, he didn't have his diploma yet. The licensing department of Utah was insistent on a diploma, and didn't know if a letter would suffice. After much prayer, and stress, and Matt running all over Salt Lake (from the school, to the department, to his new job, to his 2 internships) he finally got it all taken care of. We found a great place in Harrisville (North Ogden), it was cheap, and big! We moved in, and spent an entire week as a family just relaxing with each before Matt started his new job. Then the stress came again.

 After Matt's fourth day of work, we find out that he might not have a job. You see, Matt works for a rehab company that has contracts with facilities to do rehab there. They had this contract with the facility, but a new company bought the facility and wasn't going to honor the contract. So the entire rehab team was out. Matt's company has been great, they found another job right away (and I mean like, within a week, the only problem was it is in Utah county. Remember we just moved into this place. Luckily we didn't feel it was time to buy, and was just renting, the bad news, we had just signed a 12 month lease, and had only lived there for less than two weeks. But Matt's company stepped up, and they paid the buy-out for us. So, we again began the search for a new place to live- that is definitely NOT my favorite thing to do. After many, many, many failures and many night of me crying (yes I am that emotional, always) we decided that it is time to buy a house. So, since we haven't had any time (it has been a month since Matt started his job), we are now preparing to move into Matt's parents house while we look for a house.

Can I just say how much I HATE packing! It is even worse when it is done less than a month after you just unpacked, everything. I had just unpacked the last box the night before we found out. I was ticked, still am. :) As we have been looking for a place to live, and packing, Matt has already started working in Orem, so he has been staying with his parents during the week, while the kids and I are at home packing. Boy do we miss him. I am not one of those girls who need their man by them all the time, but I want him there! I miss him all week, and the kids miss him like crazy!! It has been kind of rough on us all. But only one more week. Then we start the fun of finding a house. I know that that can be so stressful as well, but I am so excited because it means we are that much closer to being 'settled.' Right now I feel like we don't have a place to call home, I feel like we are a family who doesn't live together (oh wait, we are that family), and I feel like we are just floating along. My emotions have got the better of me. I knew that the 'real' work world would come, with lay-offs, and relocations, and possibly losing your home; but I did not expect these things to come four days into the real world.

I don't mean to sound so negative. I am actually quite happy with things. I mean, we are getting to move closer to family, and Matt's new facility is exactly what he wants to do, whereas the other place, well, we will just say it wasn't what he wanted. And really we were so pleased to get a job so fast, right out of school, and and Matt was able to keep his job. A few on the rehab team were out of jobs after everything happened, and we were not anly able to keep a job, but get a better one from it. We are also blessed in the fact that we have such amazing families, who are so willing to open their arms and doors and let us in. We are so blessed. And it is through these tender mercies that I am reminded that my Father in Heaven is watching over my family, and he is does have a plan for us. I keep saying to myself, I have no control of my life, I have no plan, and no direction right now. And I have been reminded through this, that it is a great thing to lose control of your life, because that means the Lord has control of it, and you will end up where he wants you to be. I am dreading packing and moving again (that would make the third time in a year), and then moving another time when we find a house, but I can't wait to see where the Lord takes us. And I am excited for this journey, as I know my Savior is going along the journey with me.

Year in review

Alright, this last year was a big one for us, for here is a quick review:

Last January was miserable. Between the two kids we were at the doctors at least every other week, for about 3 months. Awful

February we celebrated our 5th anniversary! Kids were still sick, especially Lila.

March Heavenly Father answered my prayers, as I was really struggling with two kids.

April was great. Lucas was sleeping better and Lila's ear infections were not as often. And she had tubes put in at the end of the month - what a difference! Under that screaming was actually a very happy girl! We were lovin' life.

Matt turned 27 in May, Lila turned the big O-N-E! And again Heavenly Father was teaching me a valuable lesson, one I will never forget.

In June we made our big move after four years in student housing. And I celebrated my 24th birthday. My siblings and (most of our) spouses participated in the "Dirty Dash". It was a blast!

July was fun. Lila finally learned to walk, only took her 14 months to do so. :) The kids really enjoyed their new place.

August- after 6 years, I decided it was time to go back to school. I have been wanting to for a long time, in fact I have enrolled several times, but something always came up and I felt Heavenly Father wanted me to wait. But, I finally did it. First semester was interesting, rough doing school stuff with kids and a dying computer, but it was good. I am glad I am back in. MAtt started his second to last semester. WOOHOO!! He still enjoyed school, but was ready to get out in the realy world.

In September, after growing concerns of Lila's weight and new information of relatives who have celiac disease, we decided to have her tested. Tests came back great - she is healthy, though suffers from "Failure to Thrive". But at this point she is steadily growing, still not on the charts, but is growing. Lucas started Preschool, and hasn't stopped talking about it since.

We had a bast Trick or Treating in October. Lucas and Lila are definitly fans of getting candy from anyone and everyone they meet.

November was Lucas' 4th birthday! He is SO old. I feel SO old! Thanksgiving was a great time for us.

December was great, is was stressful with finals, and kids and the holidays. But worth it all. Pictures are coming soon of our Christmas! :) And I am borrowing a computer which means I have easier access to the blog, and homework. I am thrilled!

I hope everyone had a great year too. And we look forward this year, as it will be a big one for our family. Matt will be graduating in May, which means a move, possibly out of state, which also means a job! Yippee!!