What is next for me :)

Ok, first, I am not pregnant, let just clear that up right now. :) But, I am so happy right now! I have always been happy, don't get me wrong. But right now, I feel like I know what I am supposed to do in my life. When Matt and I got married, I planned to become a nurse. Shortly after marriage, we were pregnant. After Lucas was born, we both prayed and felt like I should stay home with our son, as in not work, and we didn't have the money for both of us to do school. It was kind of a tough thing to do, since I did have plans of where I wanted my life to go, what my dreams were. But, ultimately, being a mom was (and is) my number one dream and priority. So, we made that decision. It was hard, money was tight. Matt was in school and school is not cheap. A few years later, we felt like it was finally time for me to get back into school. I was thrilled!!! Then, within a few weeks, we found out we were expecting our little surprise baby. Matt was getting ready to start his masters program, which would require him to quit his job. Again, our faith was tested, and we made the decision for me to again put my schooling on hold, and have no income. Wowzer, it was a tough decision!! And throughout the next two and a half years we often thought about changing our plans. Anyway, this whole time, I was thinking and rethinking, over and over again, "what am I supposed to do in my life?" I know being a wife and mother is my main 'life plan'. But school is important to me, and I do want to finish it, really, I still needed to start it. :) I used to want to be a nurse, but then I couldn't stand the idea of taking that much time away from my kids. Over the last 5 years I have thought about everything: photographer, nurse, starting a small business, preschool teacher, daycare, etc. It was emotionally draining. None of these, or other options, felt right for me. After fasting, prayer, and a blessing, and after meeting with a counselor at the U for my 'mandatory adviser meeting' I finally feel like I have found the right path for me! I have chosen a degree that I can complete fully online. Which is ideal for me so I can stay home with the kids, and work on school stuff during preschool, naps, and bed time. So I don't have to miss out on time with my kids.

I have also decided that I am going to be trained to be a doula. This is something I am passionate about. Not because I think epidurals are bad, or because I think medicine, and hospitals are bad. But I am passionate about it because I feel like women are not educated enough in their options. When I gave birth to my first, I just went with what the doctor said. I didn't question anything, I didn't research anything, and I thought everything was going to be great. It was a beautiful birth, and most importantly we had a healthy baby boy! But....there were MANY things I didn't like about it. And it wasn't until right before I got pregnant with Lila that I started to question things. I won't get into it all here, if anyone is interested, I would LOVE to explain my reasons to you. But, with Lila, I had a doula, who was FANTASTIC! I had a perfect birth experience. Everything I wanted happened, and everything I didn't want, we were able to avoid. I felt great, knowing that after getting educated in different options I was able to have the birth that I not only loved, but enjoyed. Who can say that about their birth? I will never have another birth without a doula. And I will never go into something blindly, assuming it is the normal way therefore the right way for me. Anyway, the point is: since birth, any kind of birth, is something that fascinates me and because I am passionate about women knowing their options and women feeling empowered enough to make the right choices for them, I have decided that, along with getting my bachelors degree, I will be training to become a doula.

For a while, I thought I was going to have to choose one or the other, school or doula-ing. But after much prayer, I have decided to do both. I am really nervous. I am going back to school, online, to finally get my bachelors (starting on my degree in January!) and am planning on attending doula training in March, and hopefully assisting.attending births regularly afterwards, all the while keeping busy with my two kids and my husband.

I know I can do it, many do more. While living at the U, I was able to see so many inspiring women who had so much on their plates. I know I can do it too. And really, I am not too scared, right now, I am just SO excited! I love feeling like my schooling has a purpose, and that it is in progress. It has been a long time since I have felt like this, and I am SO excited!!

I just thought I would share with you all, since really I am very excited! :)