God is watching us, from a distance....

OK as I was thinking things over tonight, I just kept singing that part of the song from Bette Midler 'From a Distance.' "

God is watching us

God is watching us

God is watching us

From a distance

The rest of the song doesn't fit my evening, but that particular part definitely does. Let me tell you a little blessing I had tonight.

About 5-6 years ago, my mom (Melanie, my "step-mom" - though she is anything BUT "step") made each of us kids a shadow box of my other Mom - Jeanie. I have had it on display ever since then, I will never put it away, it means the world to me. In the shadowbox there is a picture of my mom, a peice of her wedding veil, a piece of her bathrobe, a piece of her dress, one of her fancy silver spoons, and a few other things. I was incredibly touched by this gift, it was beautiful! But there is more. Melanie dug through my moms journals and found letters she had written to each child. A copy of the letter is in the box as well. I was baby number 6 for my mom, her life was a bit crazy. She never got around to writing my letter. So Melanie read through my moms journals and pieced together a letter specifically for me from things she had written in her journal and my journal. My mom told me that she prayed over and over again to know what to 'write' in my letter, to help my momma Jeanie tell me what she wants me to know. Melanie said she finally drafted a letter, and kept revising it. She then went a step farther. She made copies of my moms journal entries to piece the letter together so it is in my moms handwriting. I will tell you my momma Melanie is amazing!

Tonight I was packing things up and decided maybe I should pack the shadowbox. I can do without it for a few weeks right? WRONG! Right now, it is still on display. As I was packing I decided to read my letter again. It had been awhile. I cried like a baby. I don't know if any one has read my last blog post, but at the end I was talking about how I feel like Jeanie is teaching me so much more now than she could have if she were here in person today. In the letter, my mom (I feel like it is directly from my mom, just took a different route to get to me) explained how sacred womanhood and motherhood is. That it isn't something that should be scoffed at and it isn't demeaning. She said she wants to teach me the things I need to know to feel fulfilled as a woman.

I don't think it is a coincidence that just days after saying that my mom is teaching me so much now, I read this letter again. I feel like it is God reaffirming to me that my mother is very involved in my life. Sometimes I feel very cheated of things. She passed away when I was 2. I don't remember her. She made all of my siblings stuffed dogs and dolls and wrote letters. I was the only one who didn't get those things. There have been times in my life when, speaking honestly, I have been very jealous and angry. Then I have moments like this one, and there have been several others through out my life, that remind me that just because I didn't get the tangible things from her, it doesn't mean she isn't there or that she doesn't care. At times I feel like I am blessed with feeling her Spirit more than the others. I don't know that, but sometimes I feel that way.

I just had to take a minute and thank my Heavenly Father. He knows my feelings, and knows when and how to help me remember things.

(PS. I mentioned that I didn't get the dog or doll that my mom made. Well Melanie (ok she is not "Melanie", she is MOM) found my moms fabric scraps and found pieces of the dog and doll that my mom had started, but never finished. What did my mom do? She finished them both for me. And added bits and pieces of my my mom onto it. Like the dolls dress is made out of my moms shirt. I told you my mom is amazing!)