Took too long of a break

I am back, at least for today. I hate when people ask if I have a blog, I do, but I never get to actually make a post, very disappointing. Reasons include; a computer that is slowly dying, a little more everyday (it was perfect until we moved, and I think someone dropped it. It will be gone in 2-3 months, I guarantee it), school (my first semester back to school in about 6 years. Tough being back in school with a dying computer and two kids – very little time for homework), and kids (I have my two kids, and then I babysit my sisters kids for a couple hours every day while she works. Four kids, two 4-year olds and two 18 month olds equal chaos!). Anyway, I have been meaning to post since about July, so here goes.

First off, the move: Wow, it was has been kind of wild. The first 1-2 months were pretty rough. The kids fought non-stop, and I mean non-stop. We all missed our friends and neighbors. Now things are going great. The kids are playing so well together. I think they are really going to miss each other when we do move away.

Second, Lucas started preschool, like a real preschool. We have done a couple with neighbors, but this is different. He goes twice a week, and LOVES it!! This picture shows a glimpse of how excited he was on his first day!

Halloween: Lucas was Thomas the Train. Lila was a devil, for those who know her, this is no surprise. Not because she is naughty (though she is throwing major tantrums now) but Lila can give looks that will kill you. Really, she looks like she is putting a curse on you. It is intense.

Lucas turned 4! He is so big! He wanted a TRON party, it was pretty fun. The cake, we will just say it did not look pretty. The kids got finger lights, and glow sticks and we played in the dark, too fun. He loved having all of his family and friends together for his special day!

The first snow storm, well, we were much unprepared! Check out Lucas’ little outfit. Yes those are plastic bags in his shoes to keep him dry, it didn’t work. We had my other sister over that day, so Lucas had a ton of cousins to play with outside.

Thanksgiving was a wonderful time with family – we really couldn’t be more grateful for everything we have. Matt was able to play basketball and ping pong with his cousins and brothers, which for him means a great day!

We decorated the Christmas tree, and decorated Lucas. The kids got to eat cookies and see Santa dance a little bit. That was fun for the kids.

The family went to the little Ogden Christmas Village, it was so cute. We saw Santa there too. Lucas loved him, Lila hated him, but she hates everyone.

Here is a little information of Lucas Matthew: He is becoming such a boy now, he is into everything boyish- cars, trucks, super heroes, and you name it, except sports. Matt still has some work to do there. He is 32 pounds. Lucas loves everyone! He gets so excited to see people. Lucas is started to really think about things. He asks very deep questions sometimes. Two days ago he asked me where Grandma Jeanie is. He has never met her, my mother died when I was two years old, but he knows her pictures and her name. I explained to him she died, and he asked ‘where is she then?’ So we had a long talk about angels and Heavenly Father’s missionaries on the other side. He was full of questions about it. I don’t know what he really understood, but I think he was trying to. He is just such a sweet heart.

Lila Claire is now 18 months. She is in nursery, and hates it, again no surprise. She is still too small, and is still not on the charts, but she is slowly gaining weight. After discovering family members who have celiac disease, we decided to have her tested, finally. Our prayers were answered, and she was ‘declared’ healthy, though suffering with failure to thrive. She is 18 pounds. She is a huge thumb sucker and depends on her ‘blankie.’ I am gearing up to break both habits after Christmas, wish me luck, I will need it. Lila can be the most difficult, high strung girl, with fierce tantrums, than she can be the sweetest thing who just wants to cuddle with you and her blanket. She loves to sleep (thank heavens!) and when she is tired you will often find her like this:

I am thankful everyday for the blessings our Father in Heaven has given me. I have an amazing husband, who treats me so well. I have two beautiful children, who literally give meaning to my life. I love being a mother. It is the hardest thing I believe I will ever do, but I wouldn’t change it. Though life has taken us down paths that Matt and I never imagined we would be traveling down, I am so grateful. I know Heavenly Father has plan for each of us, and it may be hard, but it is definitely possible as long as you let our Savior and our Father in Heaven in. We are very excited for this time of year. Lucas is at an age where he understands Santa, but he also understands Jesus’ birth. I am excited to continue to teach him more about our King.

I know this is forever long, but it needed to be posted. I am going to work on better time management so I can keep this blog up to date.

Fun with the kids!

Fun at our new house!!

Lucas loves riding his bike on the back patio.

Lila loves walking on the back patio. She is now a walking machine!!! Only a little late. ;) She had just woken up from her nap, so her hair is crazy, but it was super cute that day - in pig tails! I love dressing up my girl!

Yep, he is wearing a helmet. After the whole concussion thing, (since we can't keep the kids off the rocks) they now have to wear helmets on the rocks. Looks goofy, but its safer. I especially love his outfit this day. He picked out his own clothes. And after riding his bike into some rose bushes, and getting scratched up on his legs, he decided he needed knee-high socks. So the socks, the helmet, and the mix-matched clothes, he looks awesome.

There is a fun Pirate ship in the back that the kids love to play on. It has a steering wheel and a little slide. It is So cute. The kids love to play on, including Lila. She LOVES it! I think she feels like such a big kid on it. She loves to 'drive' the ship, its so cute. This is Lucas on top, he was yelling "Arrrgh Mateys!!" Too cute!

The Worlds Smallest Pirate! Isn't she cute?

Our big move

A couple of months ago Matt and I had to make a big decision for our little family. It wasn't easy. After living 4 years in our student family apartment we decided it was time to move. My sister and her husband had offered some space in their house, so we took them up on the offer. It has been a big change for all involved. Lucas has kind of struggled. He really misses all of his friends, and having a park right outside our door. So he has kind of been acting up, but I think it is tapering down (fingers crossed). He actually went to primary on Sunday without crying, a huge relief! His new teacher could tell he was very hesitant and tried to make him feel better by asking him if he has a grandma. After he told her that he has two grandmas, she told him that she is a grandma. So now, when I ask Lucas what his teachers name is, what does he say? Yep, Grandma. I have yet to learn her actual name. But I will soon. After being here about 4 days we got our new callings (before we met the Bishop, before our records were transferred, kind of funny). I will now be teaching the CTR 5 class and Matt is a Cub Scout Assistant. I am kind of nervous, I have never done primary, ever. But both of us are pretty excited for the challenge.

The move has been a nice change for us. Though it was hard. We miss our ward, and our friends, Matt has a long commute now (but only for 6 more months - then he will be done with classes!! But he is hoping to get his externships here after that, and then graduation in May!). But, I have been able to spend some time with my sister, her husband and her kids. My niece is kind of particular, but she now loves me! :) On our first day here, Lucas and Porter (my nephew who is 2 months younger than Lucas) were playing outside. We have these huge boulders in the back yard, and the kids were playing pirates. Lucas lost his balance and grabbed Porter for support, and pulled him down. Yea, Porter went to the ER with a concussion. He was vomiting. Had to get a c-scan. Not a good start. But things have improved since then.

Over all things are going really well. Matt and I are very happy with our decision to move. And we are so grateful to my sister and her family for welcoming us in.

Pictures to come soon of the kids!

Let's get dirty!

Ok, so excuse the title, but I thought it was pretty funny. No I am not talking "bedroom" stuff, I am talking "The Dirty Dash". It is a a 5k run, in mud. The whole thing is not in mud, but a good amount. My sister got all of us into it and I mean all of my siblings did it!! Thats right ALL 9 of us! Plus, my Brother-in-law Cameron, my sister-in-law Amanda, and my niece Kylee. We were team "Goonies". My sister and I (and her daughters) made everyone a t-shirt for the big event. I am NOT a runner, in fact, I hate running. But, I had heard this was fun, and boy, it didn't disappoint. First, we let the kids go wild in the 'piglet plunge'. Can you say hysterical!? I don't think any of the kids enjoyed it, except my niece Jeanie - I don't know if she actually liked it, but she was the only one who didn't cry. The older 'piglets' did great, it was just the young ones. I think the pictures say it best - with the fake smiles, and the fact that none of them would close their hands or put their arms down. (Picture is missing: Aspen, Nelea, Morgan, Joey, Jeanie, and William)

Lucas was too funny. I talked it up for weeks, getting him ready for it. On the way there, he was totally on board, SO excited to run and play in mud. I guess I forgot to mention that there was going to be A LOT of people. Cause when it came time, he was pretty nervous. Then, he took his first step in the mud, and it went all the way up past his knees. He freaked. I couldn't put him down the rest of the way. But he did LOVE the humongous slip 'n' slide at the end!

Cousin Aspen getting Lucas ready for the big run!

Before

Now onto the adults.... What can I say? We were a bunch of little kids. Literally, rolling in the mud, throwing people in, throwing mud onto people, climbing over each other - let me explain that one. Through out the course they have obstacles. Many of them were things we had to climb over, well, us Stokers (especially the girls) are pretty short (just in case you didn't know). ;) So, my awesome brother in law Cameron and my sister in law Amanda would get all fours and let us girls use them as stools. They really love us don't they? Well it was all fun and games until I decided to go crazy. I tried to jump over a TINY stream (key word- tried). It was like 2-3 feet wide. I get a running start and I leap over it. I forgot to mention both sides are covered in mud, meaning really slippery. As I take off, my back leg slips and I fall. Yep, I pulled a groin muscle. It hurt!! It even took a couple of weeks to heal. After that, the run was still fun, though I had to be careful and slow. Here is the before picture (missing Ryan and Amanda). (We went with an 80's theme - I totally had the best outfit. Everyone else had awesome socks though. :)

And the after. My favorite part of the picture? Well, First, Michelle and Emily. I don't know what they were doing, but it looks like Emily is telling Michelle "Hey, you got a little something on your face." Then, I love Cameron and Tyler. It is like they are admiring each other, and grinning. Awesome. Thanks Family for a great adventure - I am game for next year!

God is watching us, from a distance....

OK as I was thinking things over tonight, I just kept singing that part of the song from Bette Midler 'From a Distance.' "

God is watching us

God is watching us

God is watching us

From a distance

The rest of the song doesn't fit my evening, but that particular part definitely does. Let me tell you a little blessing I had tonight.

About 5-6 years ago, my mom (Melanie, my "step-mom" - though she is anything BUT "step") made each of us kids a shadow box of my other Mom - Jeanie. I have had it on display ever since then, I will never put it away, it means the world to me. In the shadowbox there is a picture of my mom, a peice of her wedding veil, a piece of her bathrobe, a piece of her dress, one of her fancy silver spoons, and a few other things. I was incredibly touched by this gift, it was beautiful! But there is more. Melanie dug through my moms journals and found letters she had written to each child. A copy of the letter is in the box as well. I was baby number 6 for my mom, her life was a bit crazy. She never got around to writing my letter. So Melanie read through my moms journals and pieced together a letter specifically for me from things she had written in her journal and my journal. My mom told me that she prayed over and over again to know what to 'write' in my letter, to help my momma Jeanie tell me what she wants me to know. Melanie said she finally drafted a letter, and kept revising it. She then went a step farther. She made copies of my moms journal entries to piece the letter together so it is in my moms handwriting. I will tell you my momma Melanie is amazing!

Tonight I was packing things up and decided maybe I should pack the shadowbox. I can do without it for a few weeks right? WRONG! Right now, it is still on display. As I was packing I decided to read my letter again. It had been awhile. I cried like a baby. I don't know if any one has read my last blog post, but at the end I was talking about how I feel like Jeanie is teaching me so much more now than she could have if she were here in person today. In the letter, my mom (I feel like it is directly from my mom, just took a different route to get to me) explained how sacred womanhood and motherhood is. That it isn't something that should be scoffed at and it isn't demeaning. She said she wants to teach me the things I need to know to feel fulfilled as a woman.

I don't think it is a coincidence that just days after saying that my mom is teaching me so much now, I read this letter again. I feel like it is God reaffirming to me that my mother is very involved in my life. Sometimes I feel very cheated of things. She passed away when I was 2. I don't remember her. She made all of my siblings stuffed dogs and dolls and wrote letters. I was the only one who didn't get those things. There have been times in my life when, speaking honestly, I have been very jealous and angry. Then I have moments like this one, and there have been several others through out my life, that remind me that just because I didn't get the tangible things from her, it doesn't mean she isn't there or that she doesn't care. At times I feel like I am blessed with feeling her Spirit more than the others. I don't know that, but sometimes I feel that way.

I just had to take a minute and thank my Heavenly Father. He knows my feelings, and knows when and how to help me remember things.

(PS. I mentioned that I didn't get the dog or doll that my mom made. Well Melanie (ok she is not "Melanie", she is MOM) found my moms fabric scraps and found pieces of the dog and doll that my mom had started, but never finished. What did my mom do? She finished them both for me. And added bits and pieces of my my mom onto it. Like the dolls dress is made out of my moms shirt. I told you my mom is amazing!)

my BIG little girl

We had two parties for Lila, one with Matt's family and one with my family. We had so much fun. Thanks to all those to came and thanks to all the birthday wishes. :) My mom got her this adorable "birthday outfit". It says "I'm the birthday girl" and came with this crown with the number 1 on it. SO cute! I can not believe this little girl is one year old already! Is is now finally 16 pounds and 7 ounces! She is gettin' up there. ;) She is back on the chart, in the 1 percentile. Kind of makes me giggle.

This last year has been one of the hardest years for me. Not only has our family under gone a major change by welcoming a new member, but that new member has come with a lot of trails. I know as mothers, wives, and women we are all so busy. But this last year I feel like I have never been busier. Not necessarily busy with going places and doing things, but with taking care of the kids. Lucas turned three this year. You always hear how hard the "Terrible Twos" are. Well, thats a piece of cake. Three is TOUGH! Lucas is now potty trained, and has been for several months. He stopped napping (which took away a lot of my "free" time, or time to clean and get things done). He also doesn't sleep well at nights either. In fact we will be preforming a sleep study on him in June to see what the problem is.

Lila has been such a challenge for me. It is hard to say that because she is such a sweetheart. She has such a funny and delightful personality. But is also very dramatic and feisty. She has had a few health concerns this year the latest one involves doing a development assessment with an early intervention organization to determine if she needs a more 'physical therapy' approach to her development. She has had several ear infections, leading to tubes in her ears. She has had acid reflux - not a big deal, but it just adds to it all. Losing weight and struggling to gain it back. And her gross motor skills are lacking. All of which are not "big" concerns, and I am so thankful for that. It is just the constant repeat of the 'little' things that wears on me. All medical concerns aside: Lila has an attitude! She wants what she wants and she better get it right now! She fights for what she wants, and it is hilarious; though we are trying to teach her she doesn't need to act like that. She has cried the majority of her life, but I will say it has gotten MUCH better now the tubes are in place and the infections are gone. Yippee!

This last year I have gained a deep respect for all mothers. I am particularly thankful for my mother. I don't know about anyone else, but after I had Lucas I became SO much closer to my mom. She has been wonderful. She listens to me cry, she gives me advice, she gets excited about Lila gaining weight or Lucas sleeping through the night. She has become such an amazing friend. Not only have I learned from my mom on Earth, but I am lucky enough to have another mother who has passed on. My momma Jeanie is a huge influence in my life. I don't remember her much, or at all really. I never really felt like I knew who she was as a person. But I have felt so close to her this last year. I feel like I have my mom on Earth who is helping here, and when she can't help I have another mom who can. I feel my mothers presence often. I fell like I am closer to her now than I could have been otherwise. It is as if she is here comforting me and guiding me. I feel her love for me and for my children. It is important to me that they know who she is and that one day they understand that she helped me raise them.

This last year I have relied on the Lord more than I ever have before. I have learned so much about family, about being a mom, and about myself. I have really enjoyed reading/listening to all the conference talks about women and mothers. On my rough days I turn on my ipod and randomly select a talk. I know my Father is looking out for me- more often than not the talks I listen to, are about mothers. I know that being a mom is such a sacred and special calling. I feel so blessed that my Father has trusted me to watch over these little ones. Raising my children is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I imagine being a mom is the hardest thing I will ever do. But there is NO where I would rather be, no life I would rather live, and no amount of money that I would rather have than to be with my children everyday. I love them.

Lovin' Life

Now that Lucas isn't napping (he hasn't been since about November) I find that I have very little time to blog. I get totally bummed out, because I love doing it! But, I try not to get on the computer/TV too much when one or both kids are awake. Usually I check stuff in my ipod touch while I nurse Lila, but that is the extent of it. I always end up having to do a ton of catch up, and this time is no different. Here we go:

The mind of a 3 year old. I walk in my room to see this. Yes those are golf tees shoved into my lamp. Amazing the kid wasn't electrocuted.


I love doing Lila's hair! Too bad she hates it. I love how she looks like a bug or a devil, whichever one suits her at the moment. And the back is starting to go curly! AAHHH! I LOVE it! This is after we took the elastics out, and she was pigging out on dinner (like usual) and looked absolutely ridiculous.

Ain't he cute!

The best part of the song? "...With parents kind-of dear" Makes me snicker every time.


This was us trying to force Lila to crawl. It was a failed attempt. Yep she is 11 months and still not moving.

This cute boy is undergoing a 'sleep-study' soon since he doesn't sleep, like ever. He had to undergo general anesthesia lately for dental work, and he slept through the procedure, but no more. They told me he will sleep a few hours during the day and then go to bed early and sleep in. But, nope. After an hour of being home, he was back to his normal self. Not even anesthesia can keep him down. But he is handsome!

This is Matt watching the kids for me. It is quite entertaining.

As far as Matt and I go: Matt got an extern-ship secured for next spring, yippee! He is starting his 3rd semester in his Masters program in a few weeks. So that means, one more year! :) He is working SO hard on school stuff, and working late hours again. Yuck, we miss him on those days. He is thrilled, he just got glasses, and now he can see again! He won't stop talking about it.
Me? Well, I am trying to deal with my kids ever growing list of illness/health 'concerns'. But we are getting used to the doctors office, and they all know us by name now and Lucas feels right at home there and knows where everything is. I also applied for school at the U for fall semester. I am pretty excited, it has been too long! Though I am nervous, the last 2 times I tried to go to school, I wound up pregnant. I also don't know how I am going to do school if my kids are still struggling. But, thats when I just have to trust that Heavenly Father is looking over us.

So thats our family in a (not so small) nut shell. Life is crazy and stressful, but I love it.