Our big move

A couple of months ago Matt and I had to make a big decision for our little family. It wasn't easy. After living 4 years in our student family apartment we decided it was time to move. My sister and her husband had offered some space in their house, so we took them up on the offer. It has been a big change for all involved. Lucas has kind of struggled. He really misses all of his friends, and having a park right outside our door. So he has kind of been acting up, but I think it is tapering down (fingers crossed). He actually went to primary on Sunday without crying, a huge relief! His new teacher could tell he was very hesitant and tried to make him feel better by asking him if he has a grandma. After he told her that he has two grandmas, she told him that she is a grandma. So now, when I ask Lucas what his teachers name is, what does he say? Yep, Grandma. I have yet to learn her actual name. But I will soon. After being here about 4 days we got our new callings (before we met the Bishop, before our records were transferred, kind of funny). I will now be teaching the CTR 5 class and Matt is a Cub Scout Assistant. I am kind of nervous, I have never done primary, ever. But both of us are pretty excited for the challenge.

The move has been a nice change for us. Though it was hard. We miss our ward, and our friends, Matt has a long commute now (but only for 6 more months - then he will be done with classes!! But he is hoping to get his externships here after that, and then graduation in May!). But, I have been able to spend some time with my sister, her husband and her kids. My niece is kind of particular, but she now loves me! :) On our first day here, Lucas and Porter (my nephew who is 2 months younger than Lucas) were playing outside. We have these huge boulders in the back yard, and the kids were playing pirates. Lucas lost his balance and grabbed Porter for support, and pulled him down. Yea, Porter went to the ER with a concussion. He was vomiting. Had to get a c-scan. Not a good start. But things have improved since then.

Over all things are going really well. Matt and I are very happy with our decision to move. And we are so grateful to my sister and her family for welcoming us in.

Pictures to come soon of the kids!

Let's get dirty!

Ok, so excuse the title, but I thought it was pretty funny. No I am not talking "bedroom" stuff, I am talking "The Dirty Dash". It is a a 5k run, in mud. The whole thing is not in mud, but a good amount. My sister got all of us into it and I mean all of my siblings did it!! Thats right ALL 9 of us! Plus, my Brother-in-law Cameron, my sister-in-law Amanda, and my niece Kylee. We were team "Goonies". My sister and I (and her daughters) made everyone a t-shirt for the big event. I am NOT a runner, in fact, I hate running. But, I had heard this was fun, and boy, it didn't disappoint. First, we let the kids go wild in the 'piglet plunge'. Can you say hysterical!? I don't think any of the kids enjoyed it, except my niece Jeanie - I don't know if she actually liked it, but she was the only one who didn't cry. The older 'piglets' did great, it was just the young ones. I think the pictures say it best - with the fake smiles, and the fact that none of them would close their hands or put their arms down. (Picture is missing: Aspen, Nelea, Morgan, Joey, Jeanie, and William)

Lucas was too funny. I talked it up for weeks, getting him ready for it. On the way there, he was totally on board, SO excited to run and play in mud. I guess I forgot to mention that there was going to be A LOT of people. Cause when it came time, he was pretty nervous. Then, he took his first step in the mud, and it went all the way up past his knees. He freaked. I couldn't put him down the rest of the way. But he did LOVE the humongous slip 'n' slide at the end!

Cousin Aspen getting Lucas ready for the big run!

Before

Now onto the adults.... What can I say? We were a bunch of little kids. Literally, rolling in the mud, throwing people in, throwing mud onto people, climbing over each other - let me explain that one. Through out the course they have obstacles. Many of them were things we had to climb over, well, us Stokers (especially the girls) are pretty short (just in case you didn't know). ;) So, my awesome brother in law Cameron and my sister in law Amanda would get all fours and let us girls use them as stools. They really love us don't they? Well it was all fun and games until I decided to go crazy. I tried to jump over a TINY stream (key word- tried). It was like 2-3 feet wide. I get a running start and I leap over it. I forgot to mention both sides are covered in mud, meaning really slippery. As I take off, my back leg slips and I fall. Yep, I pulled a groin muscle. It hurt!! It even took a couple of weeks to heal. After that, the run was still fun, though I had to be careful and slow. Here is the before picture (missing Ryan and Amanda). (We went with an 80's theme - I totally had the best outfit. Everyone else had awesome socks though. :)

And the after. My favorite part of the picture? Well, First, Michelle and Emily. I don't know what they were doing, but it looks like Emily is telling Michelle "Hey, you got a little something on your face." Then, I love Cameron and Tyler. It is like they are admiring each other, and grinning. Awesome. Thanks Family for a great adventure - I am game for next year!

God is watching us, from a distance....

OK as I was thinking things over tonight, I just kept singing that part of the song from Bette Midler 'From a Distance.' "

God is watching us

God is watching us

God is watching us

From a distance

The rest of the song doesn't fit my evening, but that particular part definitely does. Let me tell you a little blessing I had tonight.

About 5-6 years ago, my mom (Melanie, my "step-mom" - though she is anything BUT "step") made each of us kids a shadow box of my other Mom - Jeanie. I have had it on display ever since then, I will never put it away, it means the world to me. In the shadowbox there is a picture of my mom, a peice of her wedding veil, a piece of her bathrobe, a piece of her dress, one of her fancy silver spoons, and a few other things. I was incredibly touched by this gift, it was beautiful! But there is more. Melanie dug through my moms journals and found letters she had written to each child. A copy of the letter is in the box as well. I was baby number 6 for my mom, her life was a bit crazy. She never got around to writing my letter. So Melanie read through my moms journals and pieced together a letter specifically for me from things she had written in her journal and my journal. My mom told me that she prayed over and over again to know what to 'write' in my letter, to help my momma Jeanie tell me what she wants me to know. Melanie said she finally drafted a letter, and kept revising it. She then went a step farther. She made copies of my moms journal entries to piece the letter together so it is in my moms handwriting. I will tell you my momma Melanie is amazing!

Tonight I was packing things up and decided maybe I should pack the shadowbox. I can do without it for a few weeks right? WRONG! Right now, it is still on display. As I was packing I decided to read my letter again. It had been awhile. I cried like a baby. I don't know if any one has read my last blog post, but at the end I was talking about how I feel like Jeanie is teaching me so much more now than she could have if she were here in person today. In the letter, my mom (I feel like it is directly from my mom, just took a different route to get to me) explained how sacred womanhood and motherhood is. That it isn't something that should be scoffed at and it isn't demeaning. She said she wants to teach me the things I need to know to feel fulfilled as a woman.

I don't think it is a coincidence that just days after saying that my mom is teaching me so much now, I read this letter again. I feel like it is God reaffirming to me that my mother is very involved in my life. Sometimes I feel very cheated of things. She passed away when I was 2. I don't remember her. She made all of my siblings stuffed dogs and dolls and wrote letters. I was the only one who didn't get those things. There have been times in my life when, speaking honestly, I have been very jealous and angry. Then I have moments like this one, and there have been several others through out my life, that remind me that just because I didn't get the tangible things from her, it doesn't mean she isn't there or that she doesn't care. At times I feel like I am blessed with feeling her Spirit more than the others. I don't know that, but sometimes I feel that way.

I just had to take a minute and thank my Heavenly Father. He knows my feelings, and knows when and how to help me remember things.

(PS. I mentioned that I didn't get the dog or doll that my mom made. Well Melanie (ok she is not "Melanie", she is MOM) found my moms fabric scraps and found pieces of the dog and doll that my mom had started, but never finished. What did my mom do? She finished them both for me. And added bits and pieces of my my mom onto it. Like the dolls dress is made out of my moms shirt. I told you my mom is amazing!)

my BIG little girl

We had two parties for Lila, one with Matt's family and one with my family. We had so much fun. Thanks to all those to came and thanks to all the birthday wishes. :) My mom got her this adorable "birthday outfit". It says "I'm the birthday girl" and came with this crown with the number 1 on it. SO cute! I can not believe this little girl is one year old already! Is is now finally 16 pounds and 7 ounces! She is gettin' up there. ;) She is back on the chart, in the 1 percentile. Kind of makes me giggle.

This last year has been one of the hardest years for me. Not only has our family under gone a major change by welcoming a new member, but that new member has come with a lot of trails. I know as mothers, wives, and women we are all so busy. But this last year I feel like I have never been busier. Not necessarily busy with going places and doing things, but with taking care of the kids. Lucas turned three this year. You always hear how hard the "Terrible Twos" are. Well, thats a piece of cake. Three is TOUGH! Lucas is now potty trained, and has been for several months. He stopped napping (which took away a lot of my "free" time, or time to clean and get things done). He also doesn't sleep well at nights either. In fact we will be preforming a sleep study on him in June to see what the problem is.

Lila has been such a challenge for me. It is hard to say that because she is such a sweetheart. She has such a funny and delightful personality. But is also very dramatic and feisty. She has had a few health concerns this year the latest one involves doing a development assessment with an early intervention organization to determine if she needs a more 'physical therapy' approach to her development. She has had several ear infections, leading to tubes in her ears. She has had acid reflux - not a big deal, but it just adds to it all. Losing weight and struggling to gain it back. And her gross motor skills are lacking. All of which are not "big" concerns, and I am so thankful for that. It is just the constant repeat of the 'little' things that wears on me. All medical concerns aside: Lila has an attitude! She wants what she wants and she better get it right now! She fights for what she wants, and it is hilarious; though we are trying to teach her she doesn't need to act like that. She has cried the majority of her life, but I will say it has gotten MUCH better now the tubes are in place and the infections are gone. Yippee!

This last year I have gained a deep respect for all mothers. I am particularly thankful for my mother. I don't know about anyone else, but after I had Lucas I became SO much closer to my mom. She has been wonderful. She listens to me cry, she gives me advice, she gets excited about Lila gaining weight or Lucas sleeping through the night. She has become such an amazing friend. Not only have I learned from my mom on Earth, but I am lucky enough to have another mother who has passed on. My momma Jeanie is a huge influence in my life. I don't remember her much, or at all really. I never really felt like I knew who she was as a person. But I have felt so close to her this last year. I feel like I have my mom on Earth who is helping here, and when she can't help I have another mom who can. I feel my mothers presence often. I fell like I am closer to her now than I could have been otherwise. It is as if she is here comforting me and guiding me. I feel her love for me and for my children. It is important to me that they know who she is and that one day they understand that she helped me raise them.

This last year I have relied on the Lord more than I ever have before. I have learned so much about family, about being a mom, and about myself. I have really enjoyed reading/listening to all the conference talks about women and mothers. On my rough days I turn on my ipod and randomly select a talk. I know my Father is looking out for me- more often than not the talks I listen to, are about mothers. I know that being a mom is such a sacred and special calling. I feel so blessed that my Father has trusted me to watch over these little ones. Raising my children is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I imagine being a mom is the hardest thing I will ever do. But there is NO where I would rather be, no life I would rather live, and no amount of money that I would rather have than to be with my children everyday. I love them.

Lovin' Life

Now that Lucas isn't napping (he hasn't been since about November) I find that I have very little time to blog. I get totally bummed out, because I love doing it! But, I try not to get on the computer/TV too much when one or both kids are awake. Usually I check stuff in my ipod touch while I nurse Lila, but that is the extent of it. I always end up having to do a ton of catch up, and this time is no different. Here we go:

The mind of a 3 year old. I walk in my room to see this. Yes those are golf tees shoved into my lamp. Amazing the kid wasn't electrocuted.


I love doing Lila's hair! Too bad she hates it. I love how she looks like a bug or a devil, whichever one suits her at the moment. And the back is starting to go curly! AAHHH! I LOVE it! This is after we took the elastics out, and she was pigging out on dinner (like usual) and looked absolutely ridiculous.

Ain't he cute!

The best part of the song? "...With parents kind-of dear" Makes me snicker every time.


This was us trying to force Lila to crawl. It was a failed attempt. Yep she is 11 months and still not moving.

This cute boy is undergoing a 'sleep-study' soon since he doesn't sleep, like ever. He had to undergo general anesthesia lately for dental work, and he slept through the procedure, but no more. They told me he will sleep a few hours during the day and then go to bed early and sleep in. But, nope. After an hour of being home, he was back to his normal self. Not even anesthesia can keep him down. But he is handsome!

This is Matt watching the kids for me. It is quite entertaining.

As far as Matt and I go: Matt got an extern-ship secured for next spring, yippee! He is starting his 3rd semester in his Masters program in a few weeks. So that means, one more year! :) He is working SO hard on school stuff, and working late hours again. Yuck, we miss him on those days. He is thrilled, he just got glasses, and now he can see again! He won't stop talking about it.
Me? Well, I am trying to deal with my kids ever growing list of illness/health 'concerns'. But we are getting used to the doctors office, and they all know us by name now and Lucas feels right at home there and knows where everything is. I also applied for school at the U for fall semester. I am pretty excited, it has been too long! Though I am nervous, the last 2 times I tried to go to school, I wound up pregnant. I also don't know how I am going to do school if my kids are still struggling. But, thats when I just have to trust that Heavenly Father is looking over us.

So thats our family in a (not so small) nut shell. Life is crazy and stressful, but I love it.

Lucas

Since Lila has received SO much attention lately (because she cries ALL the time from being sick) I have been trying really hard to make sure that Lucas is getting his one-on-one time with Mommy as well. I have been trying really hard to play with him while Lila is happy or sleeping, even though there are a million things to get done, like dinner, cleaning, laundry, and so much more. But I feel like Lucas has been pushed aside a bit these last few months. So, here is an update on my little man:

- He knows all of the letters (capitals and lower case) and their sounds.

- He knows how to count to 20.

- He knows a ton of primary songs -that completely surprised me. I swear everyday he is singing new ones.

- He is totally potty trained, with the exception of night time, that might take awhile.

- He talks SO well! It is fun to watch him repeat words/phrases till he gets them right. And while talking, if he messes up, he always giggles and says "OR I mean...." I love the "or"!

- He is the best big brother ever! I love when I put Lila next to him, and he just puts his arm around her and tries to tell her about whatever it is they are looking at.

- He also always sings to Lila when she is crying, or when he is really frustrated because she won't stop, he shoves a Binky in her mouth (though she has never taken a Binky).

- He is SO curious, and wants to know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING. There are times when I just tell him, "Lucas, STOP asking questions!"

- He has this thing about bathrooms. He LOVES bathrooms that are not ours. Anywhere we go, he has to go potty in every bathroom he sees. Lila's doctors office has 3 bathrooms, every time we are there, we make a visit to each bathroom. I try to limit it, like today in church, he could only go one time before Sacrament, and one time after. But it is really hard to limit it when he actually lets pee/poo out every time!!

- He has the best smile ever!!

- He has a temper! WOW! If you get him mad, watch out!! He will probably curse death upon you. ;)

- I could really go on forever about my little "big boy." He really is my sunshine! Don't tell Matt, but often, after getting up with Lila, I will put her back to sleep, and I will sit by Lucas in his bed and I sing "You are my sunshine" I know EXTREMELY cheesy! But at night, he is SO precious, and sweet (probably cause he is sleeping:) but I just can't control myself. I am so blessed to have him. He (among other things) is the reason I know my Heavenly Father loves me, He is letting me raise this amazing little boy!

And there is one more thing to share: Lucas is an artist!
I had no idea he was understanding the concept of drawing people! This is a picture of me, lovely I know! He did the ENTIRE thing by himself (apart from the circle for the head - I got him started:). Though my hair is standing straight up, and my hands are on my head, by my ears, my fingers and toes are freaky looking and I have no body - I think it is pretty darn good!

Well thanks for listening to my speech of my awesome child, and if you wanted an update on my other child, here you go:
The ear infection she had won't go away. Lila has "exhausted all antibiotic treatments". She has a consultation for tubes in a week and a half, but until then, we are just dealing with the pain. The RSV is MUCH better, in fact, it's just a few lingering cold symptoms. With all things considered, she is actually pretty happy. fingers crossed!

Blessings

As you all know my baby girl has been struggling with illnesses since January. It has been really hard on us all. They haven't been major ones, mainly colds with SEVERAL ear infections, a few other random illness as well. She had problems with the antibiotics and is on the 4th one now, and it seems to be working. A few weeks ago we got some news that she is "borderline" Failure to Thrive. For those who don't know, 'Failure to Thrive' is a pretty generic term used to describe children who are not growing properly. It could be due to genetics, illnesses, neglect, and many other things. Lila was 15 pounds 7 ounces at her 6 month check up, and at her nine month visit she weighed 15 pounds 1 ounce; dropping from the 36th percentile to the 2nd percentile. She is now on an "all fat" diet. I feel like a terrible mother because I am feeding her all of this crap that I never would have fed Lucas at that age. I give her everything and anything, cookies, french fries, hot dogs, extra butter on EVERYTHING! And though, I don't think they are bad to give kids, I don't like giving it to her everyday, or every meal!! But I have to, to get her healthy, weird I know.

Anyway...at the end of this month we take her in to get weighed again, and if she has not gained enough weight, then they will draw blood and test her for different ailments including Cystic Fibrosis and Celiac Disease. I wasn't too worried until I saw her compared to other kids her age. Now I am nervous. Matt and I fasted for her the other day, and feel confident the Lord will take care of her and of us.

This week, we took her in again since she had a cold and was SO fussy. The doctor walked in, looked at her, and said "I already know what she has. She is wheezing and blowing snot bubbles from her nose. She has RSV." (apparently snot bubbles cue him into RSV, who would have thought?) He did a thorough exam and decided it was definitely RSV and another ear infection (don't worry, we are in the process of getting tubes put in). Great. So, we have been keeping her in seclusion within our home and trying to help her. Matt gave her a blessing a few nights ago. It was a very sweet and encouraging blessing. That night was kind of scary for me. She coughed ALL night long. There were times where she couldn't get any air, and after her coughing fits were over, she just looked SO worn out from it. It broke my heart. The good news is she is SO much better now. The really hard part seems to be over. Hopefully she can continue to recover and regain her health. We ask for everyones prayers for our little girl to be healthy and to gain some weight. Thank you.

Today, we had stake conference. Since Lila can't leave the house, Matt and I split up the hours. I was only able to hear one talk, but boy was it good! President Hutchison talked about testimonies. He talked about how dear our testimonies are. He told of a talk from a past prophet (I don't remember who) who compared it to a moonbeam. That you have to hold on it, and work to get it and keep it. I have a very strong testimony of this Gospel, though sometimes I admit, I don't "work" to keep it as hard as I should. Having situations like the current one with Lila help me to keep my testimony "fresh" I fully believe Lila is doing better because of the Priesthood blessing Matt gave her. And I am thankful to a loving Father in Heaven, who is helping her. I do not believe this little battle is over, so we will continue praying for her, but I know the Lord will take care of our family.