Privacy

–noun, plural -cies.
1.
the state of being private; retirement or seclusion.
2.
the state of being free from intrusion or disturbance in one's private life or affairs: the right to privacy.

Or in other words, something non-existent in the "mother" world. I have had a few incidents this week that has made me crave privacy. First, this happens on a daily basis, but it certainly wears on me. This might be too much information for some, but I am venting a bit here. Why is it when I have to go to the bathroom, I have an audience?! Why when I need to nurse Lila, do I have a little boy pulling the blanket off and putting his face inches from my breast? Why when I shower do I have a little boy pulling at the curtains just to ask "whatcha doin' mommmy?" Before Lila was born, I worked real hard on keeping somethings covered. I have since given up. Every time I use the restroom, I have one of two experiences: #1 I lock the door, and I have Lila in the room with me (I don't trust Lucas alone with her yet, he keeps trying to pick her up) and I have little hands sticking through the door, sometimes passing me books, and a very cute little voice yelling to me, trying to have a conversation. I keep telling him, "I am using the potty, go play with your toys" (notice it is potty now, not bathroom, not toilet, or anything else) but he doesn't get the clue. Or #2 I don't lock the door and I can leave Lila where ever else I choose, but then I have Lucas in the room, asking questions, like "Did you go poo-poo?" "Did you go pee-pee?" "Did you flush?" "Did you wash your hands?" Sometimes I don't get so many questions, but I get praise. "Oh you go poo-poo, I so proud of you! Want Skittle or starburst?" (those are Luke's potty treats). How I wish I could do my business by myself.

The next incident totally crossed the line. I went to my brother's ward for his baby blessing last Sunday. I stepped into the mothers lounge. It was the most bizarre experience I have ever had in the mothers lounge. I walk in, and first thing I see is a very large woman dead asleep in her chair. She didn't have a child, she didn't have a diaper bag with her, I am pretty sure she was in there just to take a nap. Not only was she sleeping, the woman was snoring up a storm! It was SO loud! Next to her was an empty seat, but on the other side of that seat was another woman feeding her little boy. So we do the normal awkward "hi" - awkward because she is half exposed, and I am almost half exposed. I forgot my blanket to cover, which is fine I think I do a pretty good job of covering myself with just my shirt. Anyway....Lila has acid-reflux, and it makes for some very difficult feedings. She will suck and eat and then pull off and scream, while milk is spraying everywhere, and then suck again, and does that over and over, until we both get frustrated and give up for a little while. Also, I have inverted nipples (I told you all there might be too much information, but if you are willing to hear it, or read it, I will say it. I am not one to be embarrassed about stuff).

Anyway, Lila starts screaming and so we give it a break for a few minutes. I try to calm her down. Then we go for it again. This time she is eating just fine, but due to my stupid nipples ;) she makes weird sucking noises while eating. The whole time Lila is crying this sleeping lady is startling, but not waking up. But with every startle, her snore gets louder and louder - didn't think it could get much louder, but she kept proving me wrong. But then the other lady says to me "Whats wrong with her?" talking about Lila. So I explain the acid reflux stuff, and that seems to satisfy this lady enough. But then Lila's weird noises got louder and faster. So this lady says to Lila, "It sounds like you are kissing your mommy not sucking." So figuring, this is some total stranger, and we are in church, I won't go into detail, so I just respond by saying, "yea she makes funny noises while eating." This did not satisfy the lady. She gets off her seat, squats down by mine, and LIFTS UP MY SHIRT to see what Lila is doing!!! I was in total disbelief, so I just sat there, dumbfounded. She starts telling me maybe I should try doing this, or this, and making all sorts of suggestions. Then she remembers the acid-reflux I told her about, so she starts saying how sometimes a different hold can help. So, she picks Lila up, and moves her into a new position! Thankfully at this point her little boy was getting too antsy, so she finally left. I just sat there thinking, did this really just happen to me? Feeling totally violated, and in the mothers lounge at church too! (Meanwhile, the sleeping lady, never woke up! Later I talked to my sister, who said when she went in the lounge later, that lady was still there, sleeping like a dog.)

Now, I have no problem 'exposing' myself to people if needed. I mean, I am totally fine with the lactation specialists, doctors, or what/whoever. In fact, not too long ago, I had a plugged milk duct that was starting to get infected (hurt like crazy), and my dear friend came over and I showed her, and she even helped me massage it a bit. I am pretty open with friends, or people who need-to-know. But come on, I total stranger! It would be one thing to say, you know, I might have some ideas that may help, would you like to give it a try? That I might have accepted, maybe. But, to just come over and lift my shirt up? That is way over the line!

How I wish sometimes, that I could just enjoy some privacy.